SeanDareOnline.com

Here is a picture of the majestic Rocky Mountains. They are there…really. Today we drive on to Clark CO. Hopefully the weather will be better there.

- Sean

Here is the very first photo I took with my new iPhone. This was taken in my car on the way home.

I am working up a full iPhone review so stay tuned!

- Sean

Proof that Apple plans to do exactly what I deposed in my last post.  From AppleInsider:

“Apple Retail Stores will open early this Friday to help you get set up and get going with your new iPhone 3G,” the company said in an email to US customers this morning. The same message confirmed that Apple Specialists will be on hand to offer a “Personal Setup” that will help you choose your phone model, select a rate plan, and prep your new handset so that it’s “ready to make calls, browse the web, and receive email right on the spot.“

Ugh.

- Sean

…Or, Why I Might Not Get An iPhone This Weekend

ATT and Apple, at least initially, are only selling the new iPhone 3G in their retail stores.  I have only heard one reason as to why.  ATT wants to make sure you activate your new iPhone before you leave so they can lock you into a two year contract.  I am not opposed to signing up for a two year stint with ATT to get an iPhone.  I also understand that ATT wants to reduce the number of iPhones that are unlocked and used on another carriers.  ATT is in business to make money after all.  What sticks in my craw is that you can’t buy one online!

Just like the original iPhone I am sure ATT and Apple will make the iPhone 3G available online eventually, but in the mean time if you want one of the new iPhones you have to purchase one at a physical store.  Doesn’t that bother anyone else?  The revolutionary internet device, the one that allows you to have the Internet in your pocket, isn’t available on the Internet!  Disgusting.

Why are you getting so upset Sean?  What’s the big deal with buying one in the store?  I have two answers to that.

Answer One - I do all my shopping online

I shop for everything online.  Okay, I don’t shop for groceries or gasoline online, but I would if I could!  Jenn and I buy 95% of our Christmas shopping from online stores, all of our birthday and anniversary shopping is done online, and all of my clothes shopping is done online.  When you shop online you don’t have to deal with lines, crowds, malls, parking lots or Muzak.    Best of all it takes less time to shop online than it does in the store.

Does it really take less time?  Sure!  Here is one example.  In 2003, after spending the past two years purchasing our Christmas presents online, I decided to try out the local mall to see if I could get in on some of the “Christmas Spirit” others say they find there.  After waiting at the stop lights leading up to the mall for half an hour I finally made it into the mall parking lot, where I spent another 45 minutes searching for a decent parking space.  A “decent parking space” means finding one that isn’t a mile away from the mall entrance.  After getting cut off, flipped off and cursed at by numerous mall patrons before I even got out of my car I decided that the Christmas Spirit wasn’t to be found at the mall.  I went home and in less than two hours I finished my Christmas shopping on Amazon while listening to a Bing Crosby CD.  If Bing can’t put you in the Christmas Spirit then nobody can.  BTW, for those of you keeping score at home, it took me almost as long to park at the mall as it took me to finish shopping at Amazon!

What’s that you say?  You’ll bet I go to the store more than I think.  You want to know how much I really buy online?  Truthfully, about 90% of all our purchases are made online.  I would like to push that percentage higher, but I have to wait until they can figure out how to email gasoline.

Answer Two - Sales Monkeys

Suppose you worked your entire career as a purchaser for a large furniture retailer.  During your tenure with them you visited manufacturers all over the globe.  While there you attended seminars about build quality and improved manufacturing techniques.  Now that you are retired you have your own wood working shop in your garage where you build select pieces of furniture for friends and family.  In short you know everything there is to know about the furniture business.

Now, lets assume that you are in the market for a new sofa.  You begin your search by going to boutique furniture retailers that sell high quality merchandise.  After months of searching for just the right sofa to match your decor you find the perfect one in a small bistro shop downtown.  Seeing as how you live in the country, you are retired after all, and you don’t want to damage your new purchase by taking it home in the the truck you use to haul the lumber you use to build furniture, you decide to pay the extra money to have the sofa delivered by their “professional” staff.

Delivery day arrives and you are like a kid on Christmas morning.  You can’t wait to put your new sofa in the sitting room.  You have been dreaming about your new sofa for a week.  In your minds eye you can picture yourself relaxing on it for an afternoon nap, or maybe reading your favorite book on a cold winter day.  You are in love with this sofa and it hasn’t even been delivered yet.

The doorbell rings.  At last!  You open the door wide to find two sweaty men in greasy overalls standing outside your door, Your sofa behind them sitting on the grass.  They ask the preliminary questions, are you the person on the delivery ticket, where do you want it set up, etc.  You answer them swiftly as you glance apprehensively at the sofa in the yard.  Shouldn’t it be wrapped in plastic?  Why didn’t they leave it on the truck while they came to the door?

They verify they are in the right place and go to work moving your sofa into your house.  One of the delivery men has lifted the sofa high enough that it covers his face, and instead of turning his head he is breathing directly into the fabric of your new sofa.  You catch whiff of cigarette smoke as he passes by.  The second delivery man is even more offensive.  Sweat is dripping off his forehead and chin onto the cushions as he twists and angles the sofa in through the doorway.  They are careful not to damage the walls or other furniture in the room, but the thought of their breath and sweat in your new sofa sends chills up your spine.

After setting the sofa in it’s rightful place they turn to you for the obligatory signature on the bill of lading.  You comply, signing quickly in an effort to get them out of your house as soon as possible.  As you sign the last letter of your last name the sweaty one decides to SIT DOWN ON YOUR NEW SOFA!!!!! What the…!  “Get off my sofa!” you yell.  With his actions frozen in surprise he stares at you.  Then, as if he couldn’t have hear you correctly he says, “what?”, as if it is normal to have a sweaty delivery guy sitting on your new furniture every day.  “Get out!  Both of you get out!” you yell with your finger pointing to the still open doorway.

After they leave you are left alone with your new sofa.  You walk around the room and peer at it from different angles, hoping to get some of the magic you felt back, but it is too late.  The delivery men have stolen your dream sofa and have left you a sweat soaked ashtray instead.  For weeks you grouse about how inconsiderate and foolish the delivery men were.  Only after getting the new sofa professionally cleaned are you able to sit on it, but even then the thought of those delivery men on your sofa pops in your head every time you do.

For a techno geek like myself the overpaid sales monkeys at cell phone stores are like the delivery men.  Before you leave, but after you have signed the contract, they want to pull your new phone out of it’s box.  Then they peel off it’s protective plastic cover and throw it away! Then they put the SIM card and battery in it and start telling you about it’s features.  “Here is how you power it on…”  Yeah lady, I know how to power it on.  I have been studying this piece of equipment for months.  I know it inside and out.  If it were in my hands it would be singing an aria right now, but as it stands I have to wait for you to soil it before I can even touch it!

“DON’T TOUCH MY PHONE!”

I want to scream that every time I have purchased a phone from a physical store.  The same thing applies to laptops, computers, televisions, monitors, credit card machines, wireless mice and USB drives.  I want to experience the act of bringing this pristine work of electronic art to the light of day.  I want to smell the plastic and cardboard that fill the room as you pull your new gadget out of it’s box.  I want the first fingerprints on it to be mine.  I want to see how they wrapped it in plastic and admire the engineering of the cardboard packaging.  I want to see how it reacts to putting the battery in for the first time.  I want to see what kind of power up screens I get the first time it is turned on.  I demand the right to be the first one to touch it, and I deserve it considering I am willing to pay for a new piece of equipment.

ATT’s decision to sell the new iPhone in store only means that some sales monkey is going to get their greasy hands on my new prized possession before I will.  That is unacceptable.  Considering every other phone in ATT’s inventory can be sold and activated online means there must be another reason they are holding the iPhone hostage at their store locations.  What that is I cannot fathom!

To top it all off Apple is going right along with them by only offering to sell the iPhone in their stores.  Although the sales monkeys at Apple are better trained, and a more intelligent, I will bet that they will still want to open, and touch, my new phone before letting me out of the store.

All I ask is that ATT and Apple make the new iPhone 3G available online just like any other phone ATT sells.  I will sign the two year contract, I will agree to the early termination penalties, I just don’t want anyone sweating on my phone before I do.  Is that too much to ask?

- Sean

Simon Haynes, the creator of the fantastic yWriter and yBook software, has released his first novel as a free e-book download.  You can read the entire first book of the Hal Spacejock series for free by downloading it from his website.  I read the book and found it pretty entertaining.  It is a comic take on the traditional space adventure novel.  If you download it and enjoy it please tell a friend.

To get to the download page on his website you can click the link in the sidebar to the right or you can click here.

- Sean

NOTE:  I will leave this announcement post up till Sunday night.  Scroll down for my newer posts.

I consider myself a novice writer. I believe I have some God given talent, and I think I can improve to a professional level, but I am at the beginning of that process. One of the roadblocks to improvement is my inability to determine weaknesses in my own writing. I find myself re-reading, and re-writing, drafts over and over without ever feeling like the story is finished.

As with most problems there is a solution. In this case I felt the hand of God move when he had a friend of mine, Dave, tell me about a friend of his, Patty, who is starting a Christian writers group with a focus on critiquing each others work.

I should pause to tell you a little about critique groups. Their purpose is to provide constructive feedback on an author’s writing without altering the author’s voice or tone. Critique groups seem to focus mainly on mechanics, grammar and readability. I think a properly managed critique group will shave off months, if not years, of painful self discovery and refinement by exposing me to other author’s insights.

For Saturday’s meeting I brought a copy of The Father Part 2 from SeanDareOnline.com to submit for critique. The method used to critique was to distribute copies of your work to everyone, so they could read along, and then you read your piece aloud. While you read everyone makes notes on their copy of your work and at the end of your recitation they give an oral critique of your work.  I am to understand that not all critique groups work this way. Some of them distribute the work ahead of time so the others can have more time to become familiar with your work before they submit their critique. Still others have someone besides the author read the work aloud while everyone else reads along.

I started reading The Father Part 2 without any problems. After reading about two paragraphs I realized that the people who are listening to me are going to give honest, and hopefully, constructive criticisms. I had never exposed my writing to open critique before and soon I began to suffer signs of anxiety. My mouth went dry, my hands started to shake and I started stumbling over words. When I got to the end I could feel a ball in the pit of my stomach. What had I just done? I had put a piece of my soul out for all to criticize, that’s what I’d done! I set the paper down, with my hands still shaking, and prepared for the worst.

Note: When your work is being critiqued you are not allowed to say anything, you are supposed to keep quiet, take notes and save any questions you have until the end. Even then you are only allowed to ask clarifying questions. Under no circumstances are you allowed to defend your work orally. It must stand on its own. If it doesn’t then you must re-write it so that it does. This is a writing critique after all. Additionally each commenter has to wait their turn. Only one critique at a time. This prevents a feeling of being ganged up on.

The ball in my stomach slowly dissolved as we moved through the first couple of critiques. As I took notes I began to notice something fascinating. The other writers were putting into concise words the feelings and reservations I couldn’t seem to pinpoint during the writing process. You see when I am in the re-writing phase of a fictional work I often find myself feeling the work isn’t “right”, but after so many re-writes I start to loose my objectivity and have difficulty pinpointing what is wrong. The sensation is similar to being mired in quicksand. The more I struggle the harder it is to think clearly. This is probably a common problem for writers. It is also one I have to overcome. The other writers in the meeting were able to vocalize and pinpoint the vague thoughts and concerns I was feeling about my work in a way that made sense. I plan to apply these insights to future works. In short it was a great learning experience. So much so that I would like to up the ante and start attending critique groups more often.

Which brings me to the only disappointment I felt on Saturday. The Christian Writers group members are not able to commit to weekly meetings. We are not sure how often we will meet, but it will be no more often than once every two weeks.

I don’t want to leave the Christian Writers group, I think they offer valuable insight and advice, but I will probably have to supplement them with another critique group that meets more often. Now I just have to find one. Hmmm, maybe an online critique group would fill my needs? Mr. Google, could you come here a minute? I need you to look something up for me.

- Sean

Check the side bar for a new poll about the iPhone. Notice the textual emoticons associated with each answer.

- Sean

Jenn and I are each getting one. ‘Nuf said.

- Sean

I have a couple of RSS feeds that I read every day. One of which is John Augusts excellent blog on screen writing. Although I don’t aspire to be a screen writer the information he relates is still pertinent. John offers excellent advice on how to build plot, develop characters and frame scenes. John also entertains questions from his readers. In a recent post John answered a question from a working screen writer about how to continually improve ones skills while being gainfully employed. The question dealt specifically with how to move from an intermediate/advanced level of screen play writing to an exceptional level. John’s advice is well grounded, and actually applies to more than just screen writers. Specifically he suggests that you take a great story and dissect it. Breaking the story down into it’s basic building blocks allows you see how the story was constructed, and in turn you will gain insight into ways you can improve your own writing skills. Think of it as reverse engineering a story.

In a novel, as with many other forms of fiction, the basic building block for a story is not the sentence, or the paragraph, but the scene. Scenes are the heart and soul of any fiction. After reading Holly Lisle’s excellent work Mugging the Muse, available for free by the way, and John’s article I decided that I needed to learn more about writing scenes. To do this I am going to employ John’s reverse engineering tactic on a published story.

This being my first attempt at reverse engineering I decided to use a story that a) had clearly defined scenes, and b) wasn’t too long. Additionally I decided to limit my dissection to the one crucial element required of every scene…change.

In Mugging the Muse, did I mention you can download it for free, Holly Lisle describes the one necessary action for all scenes is change. Something or someone must move through a transition, however slight, for the scene to be called a scene. If there is no change then it isn’t a scene. On the other end of the spectrum the change must relate to the story. If it is a change that doesn’t impact the characters or the plot then it is superfluous and can be safely removed.

I chose the excellent short story Law of Averages by Richard Salsbury. I will bet you have never heard of Richard, much less read his work, so I urge you to read Law of Averages before we begin. It is an excellent story about how society can become too fair for it’s own good. Read it now and then come back for my notes on the story.

Back already? Did you actually read Law of Averages? You did? Well then you won’t mind a little quiz? Who did Hannah mail her diary to? Uh huh. Read the story! It is important! Not to mention the story is really good. (As are the rest of his short stories which you can find here. I especially liked Perdition.)

Now that you have read Law of Averages lets decide where the scene breaks are. Originally when I looked at the story I broke the story out at every break, whether it was broken by a date or by a triple asterisk (***), but after looking at it again I am not sure. What makes me question myself is the entry for Wed 9 May 2057 where we have two *** asterisk breaks on the same day, or more precisely three written sections for May 9th. I didn’t notice any discernible change in the first section for that day. Other scene breaks with asterisks appear to separate scenes nicely so in an effort to maintain a sense of consistency I decided to leave each separation, both dates and asterisks, as separate scenes for this exercise.

Listed below you will find an outline of the story broken down into scenes. Next to the scene name, or asterisk, I have put down the change that was revealed to me. How do you fit in? Simple, read the story and note the changes you see in each scene. When you are finished put your notes in the comments section. Be sure to title the changes by entry date, e.g. Wed 9 May 2057, or by entry date and asterisk number, e.g. Wed 9 May asterisk #2, so we can all be on the same page. No pun intended. Here we go!

1. Fri 4 May 2057 - Hannah reveals her secret to her Dad. Dangerous move considering the possible consequences of her actions.
2. Mon 7 May 2057 - (in the flashback) Hannah is offered, and she accepts, extra lessons from Mrs. Jeffries altering her life’s path.
3. Wed 9 May 2057 - This one’s got me. I can’t see a change that moves the story along. I have read the passage at least 15 times with no success. I am hoping one of you can see the “change”. If you do please tell me!
4. Wed 9 May 2057 Asterisk #1 - Mrs. Jeffries discloses to Hannah that she has been altering Lois’ grades in addition to giving Hannah extra lessons. Confides that she is struggling to cope after her husbands death. Notice the disease that killed Peter was at one time curable.
5. Wed 9 May 2057 Asterisk #2 - Father reveals one way the system has set society up to fall from it’s technological prowess. Perfect illustration of how people could die in the name of fairness.
6. Thu 10 May 2057 - Mrs. Jeffries is imprisoned for altering Lois’ grades. Hannah witnesses the arrest.
7. Thu 10 May 2057 Asterisk #1 - Hannah realizes that Mrs. Jefferies was turned in to the authorities by her Dad.
8. Fri 11 May 2057 - Society alters it’s education program to be more “fair”. (ominous sign of where the future of this society is headed)
9. Sat 12 May 2057 - The only change I can see, although it isn’t obvious to me, is that Hannah and her Dad’s relationship has degraded to the point where she no longer feels she needs him. What do you see?
10. Mon 14 May 2057 - Hannah answers all the questions on the knowledge test signing her own arrest warrant. Feels she will escape her current fate which has become intolerable. Hopes to join others like her.
11. Mon 14 May 2057 Asterisk #1 - Reveals that she was secretly jealous of Lois’ artistic talent and assigns her the prestigious title - misfit. Mails her diary to Lois in an attempt to spread the word, even if it is only to one person, that the system is seriously flawed.

I can’t wait to hear everyone’s scene interpretations. If we have a difference of opinions we can discuss them in the comments.

This is going to be fun!

- Sean

P.S. I thought about posting Law of Averages in it’s entirety on this page, but decided that it would be rude to post Richard’s work without his permission. Not to mention his work is copyrighted. I had to use a link to his page instead. Seriously, while you are there you should check out his other works of short fiction. He is a very talented writer.

I sometimes suffer from bouts of depression. They usually last anywhere from three to six weeks. You will notice that I have been absent from SeanDareOnline.com for a while and…well…you guessed it, I was depressed.

I sometimes wonder if I should go on some sort of happy pill. I understand that it will regulate my depression to a manageable level. On the flip side my depression comes in infrequent waves and isn’t debilitating. It feels more like I really tired and have no ambition or energy. I still make it to work but my drive to complete personal projects, like posting to my blog, seems to dry up during these times. I am curious what you my faithful readership think. Would you suggest I go on medication for depression? If so, would you recommend it to yourself if you felt like I do? I tell you it takes a lot to admit you are “broken” and that you need medical help. It isn’t as easy as it sounds.

All of this to say I am feeling better now and hope to pour out a steady stream of posts that have been bouncing around my head.

Stay tuned!

- Sean