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Images of Susan raced through Frank’s mind. He could see her at the beach, calling for him to join her as she danced in the surf. Then, in an instant, she was sitting on their living room sofa, reading a book by the fire. Next he saw her in the yard, kneeling down in her flower bed, pruning her roses.

Frank lay on his back, eyes open, wishing he could stop the images and go to sleep. He looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table, 2:00am. He rolled over on his side and looked at Susan’s pillow. He could feel the empty space in the bed. It was pulling at him, pulling at his soul. The emptiness was pulling his soul into an abyss. He thought about letting the abyss consume him. He wondered if he would feel any pain. “He was tired of pain” he thought, “tired of fighting”. He sighed, and stared, and thought. He thought about Sarah. He saw her face smiling in the afternoon sun. When she laughed she looked and sounded just like Susan. “What would happen to Sarah?” he thought. He sighed again, and rolled over to face the bedside table, turning his back on the abyss. He didn’t notice when he fell asleep.

“I can do it!” Susan said climbing the ladder. “I know you can, I would just feel better if…” Susan cut Frank off with a look. “Okay, but if you fall I am not going to catch you.” Frank said with a smile. Susan turned to continue climbing while Frank moved into position to steady the ladder. “What do I do with them once I get them out of the gutter?” Susan asked. “Just throw them down, we can rake them up and put them in a bag later.” Frank said. “No way, we just spent the whole day raking these stupid leaves! I am not raking any more! Go get me a trash bag and I will fill it while I am up here.” Frank left the ladder and walked across the back of the house, to the rear of the garage, where a trash can sat with the box of trash bags on the lid. He tried pulling a bag out of the box, but his leather gloves made it impossible to grip the thin plastic. He took off his gloves, stuck them under one arm, and pulled a trash bag free. He was tossing the box back on the lid of the trash can when Susan yelled “Fraaaaank!” Frank spun around on his toes, already moving toward the other end of the house. He looked up at the roof line. Susan wasn’t there. The ladder wasn’t there. His eyes dropped down to find her on the ground, the ladder on top of her. He ran to her side, dropped to his knees, and put his hand under her head lifting it slightly, “Susan? Susan, can you hear me?” Susan blinked, then focused, then looked at him. “What happened?” She said. “You fell.” Frank said, then with a note of concern he added “Are you all right?” “Yeah, I think so.” Susan said as she put her elbows under her and began to push up. “Slow down, you might have bumped your head.” Frank said. “I’m fine, help me up.” Susan said as she reached out a hand to him. Frank helped her to her feet. As she put weight on her right leg she winced, gasped, and then stumbled. Frank squatted and wrapped his arms around her waist to keep her from falling. Standing with all her weight on one leg she had to put her arm around Frank’s shoulder to steady herself. “Let’s get you to a chair” Frank said. With Frank’s support Susan hopped over to one of the lawn chairs on the patio. Once she was seated, Frank knelt down in front of her and eased her hurt leg onto his thigh. He rolled up the pants leg and saw her ankle was already beginning to swell. “How does it look?” Susan said. “It looks broken.” Frank said. “It feels broken.” Susan said. “I’ll get Joan to watch Sarah while I drive you to the emergency room.” Frank said as he gently placed her leg back on the ground. Frank stood up and started towards the front of the house, but something was wrong. He felt like he was getting taller. He looked down and saw that he was rising into the air like a bird. He could see Susan on the patio as he rose higher and higher. Soon he was so high that he entered a cloud and everything turned to gray.

Frank opened his eyes. Early dawn streamed in the window. Frank wanted to go back to sleep, back to Susan, but it was too late, he was awake. He looked at the alarm clock. 5:30am. Moving slowly he got out of bed and took a shower. He threw on yesterday’s jeans, and a t-shirt he found in a pile on the floor, and went into the kitchen to make breakfast. He looked at the clock in the microwave as he pulled out a box of cereal. It was only 6:15 in the morning. All he had done was take a shower and already he felt exhausted. He pulled down a bowl and poured some cereal into it, then some milk from the fridge. Then he walked over to the kitchen table without putting either the milk or the cereal away. Frank ate, but stopped half way through. He wasn’t hungry. Instead he sat there, staring, staring at the images only he could see. This time he saw Susan sitting in the waiting room, wincing every time she shifted her weight. Frank sitting next to her filling out insurance forms. Now she was lying in a hospital bed, after getting an X-Ray and a CAT scan, Dr. Green telling her she was lucky. He told her she had a broken leg, and had a slight concussion, and that they would like to keep her over night just for observation. “Don’t worry” he said to Frank “she should be good as new in a couple of months.” Next he saw himself waking up in the middle of the night as a nurse brushed past his chair to push the call button on the side of the bed. He remembered hearing the nurse saying something about Susan being non-responsive. He came fully awake a moment later as a Dr. Green and two other nurses rushed in. Dr. Green going straight to work as the nurses started tending to medical instruments on rolling carts. He remembered Dr. Green slamming his palm on a blue button on the wall as he yelled. “We need a crash cart in here!” then he ordered the nurse at his side to advise surgery that he had a patient with a possible fat embolism. Immediately a swarm of activity descended around Susan’s bed. Dr. Green was injecting medicine into Susan’s chest as a nurse placed a face mask over Susan’s mouth and nose. A couple of orderlies rolled a gurney in as another nurse grabbed a hold of Franks arm. Frank didn’t notice her at first. “Sir, sir it’s best if you wait outside.” The nurse told him as she maneuvered him down the hall and into a waiting room.

Frank didn’t notice when Sarah walked into the kitchen and over to his side. Only when she lifted up his arm, putting it around her shoulder, did the spell break. Sarah wanted up into Frank’s lap, but she struggled to get her short legs high enough to clear his thighs. Frank pushed his feet out, lowering his thighs in the process, and Sarah scrambled up. She sat sideways, her feet hanging out in mid air, her arms around his chest. After she got settled Frank wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. Frank smelled her hair. It smelled like shampoo. They sat like that for a while, swaying back and forth gently, Frank smelling Sarah’s hair, waiting, waiting for the pain to go away.

He wasn’t sure how long they held each other when he heard Sarah mumble something. “What?” Frank said as he loosened his arms so Sarah could lean back and look at him. “Can I go back to church?” Sarah said. “I guess so.” Frank said. Frank had never been to church, he never saw the need, but he thought it would be okay if Sarah went. “Will you come too?” Sarah said. Frank didn’t answer right away. His initial reaction was no, but then he thought about how he wished he had spent more time with Susan before she died. He didn’t want to make the same mistake with Sarah. It would be worth going to church to be with her. He looked at Sarah’s brown eyes and said “I think I will honey, I think I will.” “Can we go tomorrow?” Sarah said. “Yeah” Frank said with a smile “we can go tomorrow.” With that Sarah leaned into Franks chest again and squeezed. They sat like that for a while longer before Sarah said “I’m hungry.” Frank said “I’ll make you some breakfast. You want captain crunch?” “Yeah” Sarah said without moving. “Okay, let me get up and I’ll make you some.” Sarah slid off Frank’s lap and moved over to a chair as Frank got up and walked to the cabinet to pull down another bowl.

To be continued…