SeanDareOnline.com

Simon Haynes, the creator of the fantastic yWriter and yBook software, has released his first novel as a free e-book download.  You can read the entire first book of the Hal Spacejock series for free by downloading it from his website.  I read the book and found it pretty entertaining.  It is a comic take on the traditional space adventure novel.  If you download it and enjoy it please tell a friend.

To get to the download page on his website you can click the link in the sidebar to the right or you can click here.

- Sean

NOTE:  I will leave this announcement post up till Sunday night.  Scroll down for my newer posts.

I consider myself a novice writer. I believe I have some God given talent, and I think I can improve to a professional level, but I am at the beginning of that process. One of the roadblocks to improvement is my inability to determine weaknesses in my own writing. I find myself re-reading, and re-writing, drafts over and over without ever feeling like the story is finished.

As with most problems there is a solution. In this case I felt the hand of God move when he had a friend of mine, Dave, tell me about a friend of his, Patty, who is starting a Christian writers group with a focus on critiquing each others work.

I should pause to tell you a little about critique groups. Their purpose is to provide constructive feedback on an author’s writing without altering the author’s voice or tone. Critique groups seem to focus mainly on mechanics, grammar and readability. I think a properly managed critique group will shave off months, if not years, of painful self discovery and refinement by exposing me to other author’s insights.

For Saturday’s meeting I brought a copy of The Father Part 2 from SeanDareOnline.com to submit for critique. The method used to critique was to distribute copies of your work to everyone, so they could read along, and then you read your piece aloud. While you read everyone makes notes on their copy of your work and at the end of your recitation they give an oral critique of your work.  I am to understand that not all critique groups work this way. Some of them distribute the work ahead of time so the others can have more time to become familiar with your work before they submit their critique. Still others have someone besides the author read the work aloud while everyone else reads along.

I started reading The Father Part 2 without any problems. After reading about two paragraphs I realized that the people who are listening to me are going to give honest, and hopefully, constructive criticisms. I had never exposed my writing to open critique before and soon I began to suffer signs of anxiety. My mouth went dry, my hands started to shake and I started stumbling over words. When I got to the end I could feel a ball in the pit of my stomach. What had I just done? I had put a piece of my soul out for all to criticize, that’s what I’d done! I set the paper down, with my hands still shaking, and prepared for the worst.

Note: When your work is being critiqued you are not allowed to say anything, you are supposed to keep quiet, take notes and save any questions you have until the end. Even then you are only allowed to ask clarifying questions. Under no circumstances are you allowed to defend your work orally. It must stand on its own. If it doesn’t then you must re-write it so that it does. This is a writing critique after all. Additionally each commenter has to wait their turn. Only one critique at a time. This prevents a feeling of being ganged up on.

The ball in my stomach slowly dissolved as we moved through the first couple of critiques. As I took notes I began to notice something fascinating. The other writers were putting into concise words the feelings and reservations I couldn’t seem to pinpoint during the writing process. You see when I am in the re-writing phase of a fictional work I often find myself feeling the work isn’t “right”, but after so many re-writes I start to loose my objectivity and have difficulty pinpointing what is wrong. The sensation is similar to being mired in quicksand. The more I struggle the harder it is to think clearly. This is probably a common problem for writers. It is also one I have to overcome. The other writers in the meeting were able to vocalize and pinpoint the vague thoughts and concerns I was feeling about my work in a way that made sense. I plan to apply these insights to future works. In short it was a great learning experience. So much so that I would like to up the ante and start attending critique groups more often.

Which brings me to the only disappointment I felt on Saturday. The Christian Writers group members are not able to commit to weekly meetings. We are not sure how often we will meet, but it will be no more often than once every two weeks.

I don’t want to leave the Christian Writers group, I think they offer valuable insight and advice, but I will probably have to supplement them with another critique group that meets more often. Now I just have to find one. Hmmm, maybe an online critique group would fill my needs? Mr. Google, could you come here a minute? I need you to look something up for me.

- Sean

Check the side bar for a new poll about the iPhone. Notice the textual emoticons associated with each answer.

- Sean

Jenn and I are each getting one. ‘Nuf said.

- Sean

I have a couple of RSS feeds that I read every day. One of which is John Augusts excellent blog on screen writing. Although I don’t aspire to be a screen writer the information he relates is still pertinent. John offers excellent advice on how to build plot, develop characters and frame scenes. John also entertains questions from his readers. In a recent post John answered a question from a working screen writer about how to continually improve ones skills while being gainfully employed. The question dealt specifically with how to move from an intermediate/advanced level of screen play writing to an exceptional level. John’s advice is well grounded, and actually applies to more than just screen writers. Specifically he suggests that you take a great story and dissect it. Breaking the story down into it’s basic building blocks allows you see how the story was constructed, and in turn you will gain insight into ways you can improve your own writing skills. Think of it as reverse engineering a story.

In a novel, as with many other forms of fiction, the basic building block for a story is not the sentence, or the paragraph, but the scene. Scenes are the heart and soul of any fiction. After reading Holly Lisle’s excellent work Mugging the Muse, available for free by the way, and John’s article I decided that I needed to learn more about writing scenes. To do this I am going to employ John’s reverse engineering tactic on a published story.

This being my first attempt at reverse engineering I decided to use a story that a) had clearly defined scenes, and b) wasn’t too long. Additionally I decided to limit my dissection to the one crucial element required of every scene…change.

In Mugging the Muse, did I mention you can download it for free, Holly Lisle describes the one necessary action for all scenes is change. Something or someone must move through a transition, however slight, for the scene to be called a scene. If there is no change then it isn’t a scene. On the other end of the spectrum the change must relate to the story. If it is a change that doesn’t impact the characters or the plot then it is superfluous and can be safely removed.

I chose the excellent short story Law of Averages by Richard Salsbury. I will bet you have never heard of Richard, much less read his work, so I urge you to read Law of Averages before we begin. It is an excellent story about how society can become too fair for it’s own good. Read it now and then come back for my notes on the story.

Back already? Did you actually read Law of Averages? You did? Well then you won’t mind a little quiz? Who did Hannah mail her diary to? Uh huh. Read the story! It is important! Not to mention the story is really good. (As are the rest of his short stories which you can find here. I especially liked Perdition.)

Now that you have read Law of Averages lets decide where the scene breaks are. Originally when I looked at the story I broke the story out at every break, whether it was broken by a date or by a triple asterisk (***), but after looking at it again I am not sure. What makes me question myself is the entry for Wed 9 May 2057 where we have two *** asterisk breaks on the same day, or more precisely three written sections for May 9th. I didn’t notice any discernible change in the first section for that day. Other scene breaks with asterisks appear to separate scenes nicely so in an effort to maintain a sense of consistency I decided to leave each separation, both dates and asterisks, as separate scenes for this exercise.

Listed below you will find an outline of the story broken down into scenes. Next to the scene name, or asterisk, I have put down the change that was revealed to me. How do you fit in? Simple, read the story and note the changes you see in each scene. When you are finished put your notes in the comments section. Be sure to title the changes by entry date, e.g. Wed 9 May 2057, or by entry date and asterisk number, e.g. Wed 9 May asterisk #2, so we can all be on the same page. No pun intended. Here we go!

1. Fri 4 May 2057 - Hannah reveals her secret to her Dad. Dangerous move considering the possible consequences of her actions.
2. Mon 7 May 2057 - (in the flashback) Hannah is offered, and she accepts, extra lessons from Mrs. Jeffries altering her life’s path.
3. Wed 9 May 2057 - This one’s got me. I can’t see a change that moves the story along. I have read the passage at least 15 times with no success. I am hoping one of you can see the “change”. If you do please tell me!
4. Wed 9 May 2057 Asterisk #1 - Mrs. Jeffries discloses to Hannah that she has been altering Lois’ grades in addition to giving Hannah extra lessons. Confides that she is struggling to cope after her husbands death. Notice the disease that killed Peter was at one time curable.
5. Wed 9 May 2057 Asterisk #2 - Father reveals one way the system has set society up to fall from it’s technological prowess. Perfect illustration of how people could die in the name of fairness.
6. Thu 10 May 2057 - Mrs. Jeffries is imprisoned for altering Lois’ grades. Hannah witnesses the arrest.
7. Thu 10 May 2057 Asterisk #1 - Hannah realizes that Mrs. Jefferies was turned in to the authorities by her Dad.
8. Fri 11 May 2057 - Society alters it’s education program to be more “fair”. (ominous sign of where the future of this society is headed)
9. Sat 12 May 2057 - The only change I can see, although it isn’t obvious to me, is that Hannah and her Dad’s relationship has degraded to the point where she no longer feels she needs him. What do you see?
10. Mon 14 May 2057 - Hannah answers all the questions on the knowledge test signing her own arrest warrant. Feels she will escape her current fate which has become intolerable. Hopes to join others like her.
11. Mon 14 May 2057 Asterisk #1 - Reveals that she was secretly jealous of Lois’ artistic talent and assigns her the prestigious title - misfit. Mails her diary to Lois in an attempt to spread the word, even if it is only to one person, that the system is seriously flawed.

I can’t wait to hear everyone’s scene interpretations. If we have a difference of opinions we can discuss them in the comments.

This is going to be fun!

- Sean

P.S. I thought about posting Law of Averages in it’s entirety on this page, but decided that it would be rude to post Richard’s work without his permission. Not to mention his work is copyrighted. I had to use a link to his page instead. Seriously, while you are there you should check out his other works of short fiction. He is a very talented writer.

I sometimes suffer from bouts of depression. They usually last anywhere from three to six weeks. You will notice that I have been absent from SeanDareOnline.com for a while and…well…you guessed it, I was depressed.

I sometimes wonder if I should go on some sort of happy pill. I understand that it will regulate my depression to a manageable level. On the flip side my depression comes in infrequent waves and isn’t debilitating. It feels more like I really tired and have no ambition or energy. I still make it to work but my drive to complete personal projects, like posting to my blog, seems to dry up during these times. I am curious what you my faithful readership think. Would you suggest I go on medication for depression? If so, would you recommend it to yourself if you felt like I do? I tell you it takes a lot to admit you are “broken” and that you need medical help. It isn’t as easy as it sounds.

All of this to say I am feeling better now and hope to pour out a steady stream of posts that have been bouncing around my head.

Stay tuned!

- Sean

Have you ever watched a cat toying with a mouse? Have you looked on as the cat batted the mouse around with his paws, while the mouse tries to escape every chance he gets, only to be held down by the tail and then batted around again? I can empathize with the mouse. This past weekend I felt like I was being toyed with spiritually. It all started on…

Friday

Friday my father retired after 28 years with McDonnell Douglas/Boeing, and as is the custom, there was a small retirement party held in a Boeing conference room where cake and soda were served.

Aside from the large number of Dad’s coworkers, around 40 or so, there were Dad’s two brothers, my aunt and cousin, my brother and his wife, my nephew and my mom in attendance. We were all seated in a large conference room in Boeing’s St. Charles campus where Dad’s boss and a couple of co-workers said a few words. Then, my Father stood up and spoke to the group. I have always viewed my Dad’s public speaking abilities as…er…shall we say “sub par”? So I was especially interested to see this part of the festivities.

Guys, I will tell you I was never more proud of my Dad. Not only was his speech funny and entertaining, it was peppered with references to great projects and achievements that he accomplished during his career. You had to know my Dad to know he was bragging, to an untrained ear it would have just sounded like a list of projects, but seeing Dad’s face, and seeing him command the other engineers attention, along with the response he garnered from them, told me that he was in his element. Dad was, and is, an incredible thinker and teacher. He left a mark on Boeing that will be there for some time, as well as a mark on his coworkers that they will never forget.